Fear, scared, frightened, of change

I’m scared… For the first time in a long time, I feel fear an I’m frightened. I’m about to leave a stable job an it’s terrifying me..

Snapchat-2141276987Iv worked since I was sixteen I’m thirty one Sunday, with only one small break of four months in between(redundancy and the recession of 09 sucked harder then a henry hoover on hi) iv never left one job without one to go to, an I’ve only been scared few times in my life that I can remember,

When my parents split up an my sister got sick that was first time I felt fear, sick to my stomach fear, fear my sister wouldn’t make it through or get better(I’m not as close to my sister as id like to be, we’re very different but I am fiercely protective of her) fear my parents wouldn’t bother with me. Everything turned out as good as can be in that situation an I learned to just see what happens first..

Then it wasn’t till my oldest son Zak was born that I got scared. It Wasn’t an easy birth for my then fiance(no birth is) ,an watching the woman I loved suffering and in pain scared me.I held her tight an did the part she needed me too an it worked out fine (were no longer together but that kid of ours is amazing).Snapchat-1175674012 

It helped me a lot when logan came along with Serah, I Learned to be a lot calmer and cooler (especially on the inside, I hide that stuff well) and had a better grasp and idea of what to expect(except placenta being twice size of my baby boy, wasn’t prepared for that one… Seeing how much that kid of mine eats though… I should of been).I was a better partner for itSnapchat-1088151402

Now I’m frightened I’ve never been through this change never opted to just stay at home an raise my kid (I know right, what am I thinking) I’ve never made a decision like this to go off an learn from.. An like most things there’s two camps.. The I’m proud of you well done camp.. And the don’t do it camp.. But I’m not dwelling on it I’m going to go with my gut.. sometimes change is needed an change is good. The euphoria an weight lifted sense is gone to be replaced by this nauseating feeling that won’t ease.. The gut feeling says I’m doing the right thing.. It’s time.. Iv’e learned through the years your guts rarely wrong.. So I’m going to go with my gut for once(what could go wrong)  find some courage and do this.. And I’m going to keep writing about it all.. Wish me luck xxSnapchat-170125407

(Batman an aquamarine belong to dc comics not me.. Obviously)

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