When the bulb lights

I’m 31 years old and I’ve never known what I wanted to do growing up. Like most kids I thought astronaut surely? Paleontologist? (Because dinosaurs!!) Or pilot (too colourblind for that). Obviously these were not obtainable for me. In truth I got what I wanted the most, to be a dad.

I was gifted three amazing children Zak,Logan and holly. Two of them live with me an my first born Zak lives with his mum an step dad. There a good family and he’s a happy kid well treated an kept busy I’m very proud of the kid he is,though I take none of the credit there.(I live across the country) I was younger then his mum an never home, through working rubbish shifts at the hospital. I knew I wasn’t what she wanted an I wasn’t grown up enough for her at the time,hard life lessons some things aren’t meant to be but everything happens for a reason.

Logan as I have said before is well…Logan.. a four year old boy. Anyone who has a four year old boy will know how much hair I’m missing how grey it is and the picasso murals that grace any wall in my house near a pen. This kid does nothing but sing dance an run away from monsters only he can see(seriously wakes you up in panic to then laugh,kid deserves an Oscar) he’s a cracking boy, and truth be told apart from Sarah and mark,he’s my best friend in the world I can’t picture life without him driving me mad.

Holly my daughter I took on when she was four and a half. In my experience girls are harder then boys an it has been testing but next year she goes to big school (screams). Her father is a fraudster junky who after ripping Holly’s mum off took off wanting nothing to do with holly. From meeting that kid I treated her as my own and I got through the screaming shouting chucking and hittings. I helped her read an write and helped her get a story published in a kids book(proud dad).she loves reading writing and looking after her dad brother and other kids,she’s (destined for teaching this one) she’s growing into a brilliant young lady (oh god the hormones/hulk)

I make windows an doors for a living but truth be told I’m not the best at it though I do try my best,(i triple check everything doesnt matter how many times i do a job ,I imagine that’s annoying.sorry) I’m not sure how I have kept that job for six years. Yes I turn up and I do as I’m told an I do overtime when asked but it’s not a job for life. I’m constantly looking for that one thing that will “set me up for life” like a trainee job,something like that. The problem is I feel I need stability I’m a family man,an incoming wage is stability. Another part of that is I just do not feel confident or good enough at anything else.

The things I love most in life? Writing,drawing and being a dad.(I can’t say the other things incase my mum reads this ) Im going to combine these things and i have started to write stories about my crazy gang an Im loving it. My imagination always goes a hundred miles an hour and I’m looking forward to seeing what pours out. This doesn’t guarantee me a new start an a new job, But I am going to try an get them published. (What’s the harm in trying ?) I’ve done alot of research into what I need to do an how long it takes an understand what a lottery it can be,so we’ll see.

Like a lightbulb going off,it finally clicked this is something I want to do. I want to write, be it for kids or adults (or astronauts, paleontologist,or pilots) I have enough colours in my head for either.

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So if there’s any tips or hints guys there appreciated.

Take care.

Hartley

Xx

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