Its ok to not be ok,its ok to rest.

I havent put pen to paper ( or chubby digit to keyboard ) for over a week now.

Life gets hard sometimes, adulting especially and its ok to see the signs and take a step back for you. When things get low for me i become a mad looking snappy turtle. ( Still a softy though ) there my tell tale signs of inevitable explosion…or implosion. So i took a step back from everything. Thankfully those who know me well enough know those signs and know to ask if im ok. Thank you i love you.

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Its been a busy few weeks. Logans had tonsillitis forever! Just got rid of it and the poor blighters got it back again!! ( Lots of daddy cuddles and ice cream, and playing with daddys big boy toys…how can i say no??!) Had the kids mums birthday so we made a bit of a fuss for her ( only right guys she gave you a child unless shes horrid to you. Make a fuss )

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Happy birthday mumma bear (donkey?)

I watched the meg!!…that was a movie..not great but not bad enough to be good either,its in a weird middle ground. I watched solo ( star wars ) again! And its a decent film not my fave. The boss of disney recently came out and said there slowing star wars down. And thats a good thing i think. I dont think it could work with a marvel type slate of films. I have rewatched brooklyn 99 about 10 times… I love that show its so funny ,and so relevant and inclusive. Started jack ryan on amazon, brilliant! Im only two episodes in, but wow!.

I was gifted spiderman for ps4 ( yessssss ) by someone awesome if i ever met them id kiss there lips off 🤣. So greatful insomniac games your amazing this game is incredible i cannot put it down, as a guy really going off games this has made me one happy geek.

Im still drawing away, I made a few pennies ( which then went into filling my fridge ) so ready for pay day, this has been a hard month ( or three ) iv not been too well either but ive tried to just push on. Time off means less money and thats a no no. ( Ive also recently twigged were at the end of september…which means christmas is coming…nooooooo ) how is it nearly Christmas already!!

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Logan and holly have been at there new schools two weeks now. Hollys loving hers , apparently has a boyfriend called lincoln ( or did ,his face was on a milk carton this morning …) logan however is really missing his old school friends, I first thought it would pass new school new friends, but he keeps asking to go back. Heartbreaking. I never really made friends till upper school i had the odd one or two before finishing school with a small group that for the most part are still around. Thanks to my social media stuff and facebook groups ive actually made some great friends lately ( mick, ash , wilko thank you ). Logans a smashing little kid hell be great i worry but ive faith .

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Missing my first born zak immensely. I havent seen him since his birthday , i think about him everyday. Being away from him has always been awful and only ever made easier by the fact seeing him was always made hard. I have nothing but respect for people who break up and dont let that effect dads or mums seeing the kids or taking them out etc. It doesnt have to be hard, nor should it be. Dont get me wrong im not perfect. I could ring more and text more. Its just hard to do when you dont merit a reply. It leaves you feeling pushed out and makes that next text or call all the more harder. Love you son. Always will.

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Might be my fave pic ever. And my god do my boys look alike. God help them 🙈

Work..iv somehow ended up back where i started before i nearly walked. Doing ridiculous drives out to sites. Wales and back for example, on days i need to be back for the kids. It drives me round the bend , quite willing to do them on childless days. I applied an got the job of a fabricator, i honestly have no interest in driving around the country usually results in me not having a break and either being late for the kids ( it doesnt matter what time i leave those main roads will become car parks at some point ) or having there mum get in trouble at work. So im back to looking at other options. Im 31 surely thats still time enough to make a change? .

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Writing and drawing is something i do for joy and when it all feels like its getting on top,it started feeling like a chore so i took a step back. You are allowed to rest you are allowed the space to heal. Ive finished my kids story i was writing as well! Just pictures to do now.  So with christmas fast aporoaching ( noooooo )

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Its SEPTEMBER

So with a little boys birthday to sort. Ill leave you with a ta ta for now. It doesnt matter what your going through its always temporary. Bare the storm hold on to a happy thought. You will get through!! Ive got three fantastic kids a great family great friends a drawing pad and a ps4 im the richest guy i know!!

And so are you.

 

Take care

Hartley

Xx

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